If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
