i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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