nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
