Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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