i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
