I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
