she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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