I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
