I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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