At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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