in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
