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I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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