I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
