i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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