my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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