At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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