pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
