The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
