I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
