Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
