I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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