Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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