so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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