sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
