when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
