We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
