I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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