she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
