I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
