Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
