Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
