OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
