I cockslap morals
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
