oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
