I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
