Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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