we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
