There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
