I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
