Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In America we eat man semen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
