are you still at the devil's house?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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