I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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