So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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