I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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