you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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