i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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