nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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