Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
