I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
