you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
