Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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