I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
