Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
