His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
