connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
