Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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