There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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