In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
