you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
a search helicopter?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
