are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
