woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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