I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
