is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
