Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
