the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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