wat bout pragnant strippers??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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