Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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