i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
