I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
