Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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