She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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