Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
