exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
