its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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